Christmas Day is 6 days away. It’s been a challenge staying positive, because I miss my Momma. She’s only been gone since September and yet it seems years ago. I miss her yelling my name across the Alzheimer’s unit SHEILA GRIMES! I miss the innocent looks she gave when she was confused and she’d see my face and smile. I hated leaving every single day, I wanted to pick her up and run home. But it was not to be. She needed to be safe and I couldn’t keep her from running to wherever her mind wanted to be at those moments. Sometimes she re-lived a moment and I got to be a part of it. Even though I had no idea where we were, I got to be there with her, see her expressions, hear new memories. Sometimes when I left her, I’d look back and see her sadness, gosh I hated that. It’s like when you leave a child and want to know that person is happy while you’re gone. I knew Momma was safe, but her struggle with confusion and not knowing what was going to happen next was frightening for her and me. The years my Mom was here in Texas with me were the most challenging times of my life. I didn’t handle things well at first, knowing how to deal with someone who has forgotten so much, is hard. Eventually, I just went with her flow, it made both our lives easier. Who cared what she wore (mix or match or inside out), or why she had to haul a baby doll everywhere she went, it was just how it had to be! When she was in a store pushing the grocery cart following me and broke out in song, I smiled, she was happy! So this Christmas, even though it’s sad for me, she’s not here on earth, I know in heaven she’s singing up a storm. Her heart is full and overflowing. Merry Christmas Momma!
Caring Is Sharing/sg 12.19.15