I’m sitting at my desk looking out the window, observing my Snoopy cat pouncing through bushes. Does he know Momma is no longer here on earth? Probably not, but he did like to purr up against her while she pet him. Some days she’d say scat cat! Some days she’d call him Sam (the cat she used to care for and worry about, now lives with her grand daughter Kayla). Such simple things to remember, but heart warming for me. I still have Snoopy cat, and the fact that Momma enjoyed him too, pleases me. I’m gathering items to send to various loved ones from Momma. I get so teary in her room (our spare room). What to do with her stuff, so I shut the door. I’m in and out a few times a week, and just absorb the sweet Momma smells. Not ready to clean it completely yet. Will take some clothes to give others at the facility where she’s been this last year. I’ve even thought of getting a small building and putting her stuff there, but, she’s not ever going to need it, so, will give it away to others who do. I hold Mary doll and get misty eyes. She’s my link to Momma, makes me remember when I was a kid and Momma was caring for me. We had little money for toys back then. I can’t remember a doll, but did have a stuffed little bunny I’d tie a string around the neck and bounce him along. So many memories. I’m so grateful to be able to return to work, even just a few days a week keeps me busy and feeling useful. Thank you Lord for Nursing, it’s a joy to do the job! When I quit to see about this Alzheimer’s Mission (caring for Momma), I had no idea I’d get so deep emotionally, it helped me to grow closer to her. I always saw Momma, just a changing Momma. She was so helpless, yet very strong, physically, spiritually, and willfully. Every Alzheimer’s person is unique, an accumulation of their years. I worked hard to become a Certified Dementia Practitioner to give back, the strength that Momma gave to me. Being around others who are losing or have lost a loved one in the fight, helps me cope. God has given me the tools, now just need prayers to know how, when and where to use them, my challenge.
September 29, 2015