When I first heard my Mom’s diagnoses of Alzheimer’s, I was in denial. Fear of losing her totally and disbelief that it was happening to her occupied my mind and heart. My poems put my thoughts into words I read back to myself, helping me cope with her changing moods. I wanted to be near her. I wanted to make her days happy. I needed to know that she was safe. It’s been over 5 years since I first heard the words MOM HAS ALZHEIMER’S. I’ve written over 500 poems and self published 130 of those into a book, and working on a 2nd book. I’ve been so blessed, many have read my words, giving me comfort and identifying with our journey. I’m thankful to be able to spend time with Mom. I visit with her almost every day. We have fun together, even though I grieve my loss of my other Mother (as I say in my head), I’m enjoying this Mother. There are rough days, part of every time spent with her has rough times, mainly because of short-term memory loss, but I glean the good and savor it, tossing the bad into the abyss. I love this woman. Recently my sister Meta Lynn Wilder Knapp sent me a picture of the swan that survived Mom’s house fire in 2013, the one pictured on this blog. She has beautiful blooming flowers, like what Mom used to plant in her gardens, growing in the swan. Here is a much prettier swan pick for your blog, she writes to me. I stared at those words for a long time. I stared at the picture for a long time. It stirred my heart, my tears flowed. Thank you Meta for caring. It has given me food for thought. The constant mourning that I do anytime I’m with Mom is stressful. I read that stress in my poems. I’ll continue to lose her daily, and write accordingly, but the prettier pic illuminates my thoughts, and I want to share it with you all. We still have our Mother and I’m the lucky one to be able to spend time with her. I’m the lucky sibling, because I could, I am, and I know it, thank you Jesus.
Caring Is Sharing/ sg/ October 11, 2014