A journey in time with Alzheimer's

Can’t make it clear why you are where you are. You ran away.  You were not happy. You were bitter, mean , constantly quizzing why you were where you were. So …what’s changed …NOTHING!   I watch you  amazed how you can get in the moment, singing songs, strolling down a hallway, smiling at others, or sitting out in the sunshine, then,  back to your room, you start rehashing AGAIN.   You want to leave … where do you want to go?   “I never had trouble before having a place.” “ Just because I can’t drive a car, I’m here? “ those words are a light into your mind.  You say   because you can walk, feed yourself etc., physical things, you can care for yourself. But you can’t. Alzheimer’s is a different kind of illness.   When a friend is physically ill, people understand.  Asking “how Mom is” leaves an empty feeling in my heart.  She’s  physically stable.  Her medicines for  the  physical ailments are working.    But the mind is ill!   How to treat an 87-year-old woman who wakes up everyday in her own turmoil of how to GET OUT OF HERE is exhausting.   Watching a wheel  spin in a mud hole is easier than watching Mother spin and dissolve in the abyss of Alzheimer’s. That wheel CAN GET OUT, Mother can’t. The physical can (if you’re lucky) get fixed, the mental, not so much. Five years ago, she did not want to take new medicines she thought were DIFFERENT, so maybe 20 years ago, if tests had shown the direction  her mental health was going, it might have been helpful to plan for the  future?   Most likely not, most people don’t want to know. Even so, we  must face reality, research is advancing everyday, we must rise up and bite the bullet, find out what our chances  are for getting Alzheimer’s.    I say do it for the ones you love.   Have a plan, talk about it with loved ones.  Will I take a test? … not sure,  but we do talk about it, it’s not a taboo  subject in our home.    My Mother had no plan and because of no plan, it’s hard to care for her without the stress of wondering am I doing right by her,  or was  I  just a wimp  and could have gone 2 miles instead of one!

Caring Is Sharing/sg

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Comments on: "Caring Is Sharing – The Spinning …Wheel" (7)

  1. Sheila, I can’t even imagine how painful this must be, watching someone you love, your dear mother, ‘dissolve in the abyss of Alzeimer’s’ as you so eloquently write here. As carers, we always question if we could have done more, should have done more. All we can do is our very best with what limited knowledge and resources that we have. Also through the medical knowledge of ‘the day’. That and pray, pray and pray more. My prayers are ever with you…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Angst, frustration, guilt and powerlessness. What a merry-go-round. Like Sherri mentions, you can only do your best, and pray.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. misswhiplash said:

    If only…two little words that can make such a difference…..
    If only I had seen the signs
    If only I had noticed changes
    If only she did not need special care
    If only she could live at home
    If only there was a cure
    If only this was not happening
    If only…God knows all the answers..if only He would tell us then maybe we could understand.

    You do your best Sheila, you cannot do more….

    Liked by 1 person

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